on the island of gods: manuscript
In my search for a time “when life was still quiet and all things were in some way holy, each in its particular way, and the knowledge of the holiness of things was common knowledge,” i stumbled onto the island of gods in a time that was not so still and not so quiet (The Painted Alphabet, Diana Darling).
Yet, the common knowledge of holiness remains, standing adamantly tall against the vestiges of hell disguised as modernity.
Bali is a “shimmering world suspended between heaven and hell.” (The Painted Alphabet, Diana Darling) The way that the sky unravels and re-ravels, i know it is true, i am not far from heaven, living amongst gods favorable blessings in all forms—human, land, bird, sea. Bali must be the preferred destination when god and angels choose to visit this earth. They will find food and fresh flowers offered to them at street corners and will be greeted by a beauty that must remind them of home in heaven.
Yes, i know it must be true, i am not far from hell because god’s thunder is so much louder here, with a clarity that i can almost hear his fighting words. And the rain drops so much fresher, i can almost taste the knowledge of her tears. Light tears, a gentle wash of rain in the sun, shed in gratitude for the bountiful fruit. And hard pounding tears usually in response to his fighting reverberations across the island sky. Bali must be the preferred destination when demons and wayward spirits choose to stay on this earth. They will find food and fresh flowers offered to them at street corners and will be given a reminder that they are cared for, too.
On the island of gods, I can almost hear what nature, what god has been trying to tell me. I can almost hear them whisper that “even hell is in the embrace of heaven.” (The Painted Alphabet, Diana Darling)
So suddenly, I stop “groping for the single name of god” and i release this burden. And instead, I willingly “fall into the sea, feeling my “mind float past [me]… [I] give it up to death, pronouncing with [my] heart: Ocean, I am you” (The Painted Alphabet, Diana Darling)
In my weightless home beneath color, beneath sound, i feel god’s truth: “You still have all the world to understand. I am all the world. And so are you.” And so are you. And so are you. And so are you. (The Painted Alphabet, Diana Darling)
[montage of images]
Drawn back to the surface, the weight of the world slowly gripping my thighs and grounding my feet, I begin to grope again, asking, no begging, no crying “why have i been given this earth-bound sentence? Why am i earth-bound?” (The Painted Alphabet, Diana Darling)
I weep, my cries silenced by the crashing sand in each wave. I yell, “I’m not good at being [here]. It weighs too much. I’m wanting all the time.” Wanting for love. Wanting for heaven. Wanting for protection. “It hurts [here]. Everything I do, they stop me.” (The Painted Alphabet, Diana Darling)
Then, in words that are not quite my own, i scribble, “do you know the ocean…until you meet her playful gaze with a daring smile…until you hear her sands crying to escape the crash of each cycle…until you let her waters permeate your waters…until you enjoy the over-sensation of her touch…until you accept that you are at the whims of her wrath…do you know the ocean?”
And Bali vibrates, i am all the world and so are you. All the world. And so are you. All the world. And so are you.
[INSERT CLIP OF IBU JERO]
In the story of their gods, the first people called manusa sakti, had very strange shapes, “with round eyes, rays like the rising sun, and long tusks” and when the people had been created, their god greeted them:
“Among the living things that I have made, you are very different than the others. You can make good or bad things. You can create happiness or unhappiness. You can possess evil, material greed, anger, egotism…But you can also behave well and create good things: wisdom; learning; love; and you can behave so that there is satisfaction and happiness. All these powers were given to you by me.” (Bali Sekala & Niskala, Fred b. Eiseman, Jr.)
[INSERT CLIP OF IBU JERO]
And at the start of this journey, at a point of rebirth, Bali reminds me that my calling—like the calling of every human—is to maintain the balance of good and evil, to be a protector of earth, to be a listener of the sea, to be an arbiter of satisfaction, to be a creator of happiness.
[SONG ABOUT LOVE]
ASE.
